Well, as many know I have a job now. I work the 3rd shift at an assisted living facility. I didn't think that it would change my life much, but it has. I feel so out of touch with people and life. I was on a road to depression. So, the only thing I could think to do was to get up off my pity pot and start changing myself. I need to get back on track with the losing weight. I have gained 10 of the 20 pounds back that I had lost. Yikes! My nerves were really getting fried from lack of sleep. I feel bad because I don't want my kids to get the bad side of mom. So, I need a change.
I went out tonight and bought myself some new clothes! If you truly knew me you would understand how big of a deal that is. I never, ever buy myself anything. Especially clothes. My wardrobe consisted of hand me down clothes from my mom. You heard right, MY MOM! And it also included some bras! Some might scoff at it, but she barely wore them, so why not? Anyways, I've had enough of not taking care of me, so I went all out. It was exhilirating. But I still feel that mommy guilt. I could have used that money for other things, but I needed to put my foot down with myself.
And to top of this monumental event in my life, I will be at a conference this weekend without my kids. I have never been without at least one of my children in almost 9 years! And even though I will be taking care of other people's kids, it won't be the same. I am packing for only ME. I am feeding only ME. I only have to get MYSELF ready. I have no naptimes to schedule around. No one else's bathing to be done. No one else's hair to comb. Sweet Freedom. I know I'll miss them, but I need this break. I was so at a melting point earlier this week that I just layed down and cried. So, I am not being a neglectful mother, I am being a responsible one who is wanting to recooperate and return home a little happier! 8)
