Well, I have been struggling in this area for a little bit now. Not that anyone would know because I am a very private person with my feelings. I love that I have so many new women in my life. It's been so much fun. For the first time in my life, I am trusting women and not worried as much about the preconceived ideas I had of women friends. I have always known that I should have women to lean on and depend on, but childhood hurts have pushed me away from them.
I am a person who loves close relationships, but doesn't necessarily feel that I have them. At least outside of family. I have my twin and my husband but other than that, I am not like other women who claim to have best friends. I think I expect a lot with that title. And that may be my own issue. I'm not quite sure.
I am not an extrovert. But once you get to know me, I open up. I tend to always assume what others think of me instead of just finding out. I overanalyze so much. Like now. Can't you tell? I want closeness, but at the same time I don't want to be smothered. I don't know if I am the only person like this. I just know that there is a need in my life and I don't know if this is the area. I like having multiple friends,because it mixes things up a bit. But I am envious of others who have that go-to person. That person you call when you have a problem. The person who knows you and won't judge you for your quirks. I feel like I am rambling, but it is hard to sort out what I am thinking and feeling. It's strange, but I am learning from it. I hope those reading this won't steer clear of the crazy woman writing this, but pray for God to make things clearer for her. To guide her.
2 comments:
I'm the same way, Mandy.
I am actually an extrovert, but have closed myself in over the years, primarlily since losing Micah. Mostly, because I was so very emotionally ugly for so long and felt like a burden. but I had been hurt so terribly in the past, that I had become very good at putting up walls. I used to be surrounded by many friends with absolutely no roots. I am finally being okay with being a bit emotionally ugly still but really have to make an effort to be a friend. I had pulled so far away that it's hard to come back to that place of letting myself go and letting people in and also being there for others.
Mandy...alot of people feel the same way that you do. You are definitely not alone. In the last five years, I have finally been able to open myself up to women. It has definitely been a blessing to be able to do so, but it hasn't always been easy, but I have also found that as I become more grounded in who the Lord sees me as, the easier it is for me to be open with others because then it no longer matters what they think of me and my "troubles", but how my testimony and hard times could possibly help them through a hard time and speak to them. Although it still isn't always easy, it did become easier. Love you...
BTW...I don't like the term best friend...I think it put expectations on a person and sets them up to let me down. I have close friends, but no best friends. :o)
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